Wednesday, June 18, 2008

"I love you".

This week- wow, what a week. I really cannot talk about people or events this week. This week the only relationship I can talk about is the Lord. Ever situation and circumstance of the week has derived from his work through others into me. God has given a community and individuals here in Marion and Upland a vested interest in my life. That is a big statement, and it makes no sense. The main reason is because I don't really open up to any of them. I am very careful in regards to who I relate to and how much I relate, but God has really just given me friends who love me before I ever give them any reason to. Its kind of unbelievable.
This week God has really revealed spiritual warfare to me. He has revealed my false sense of humility in my life. This humility is incredibly unhealthy and is involved in probably every decision I make. I realize there are ways that this humilty is being used to mute the gifts the Lord has given me (specifically musically). So, there are more tangible things to understand in that issue, but we will all see/hear about that played out more this summer.
I'm learning to trust God now. I mean, could you imagine if the disciples didn't drop everything and follow Jesus because they didn't trust God? Why did they trust him? I think maybe it was just a sense in his immutability that was stunning to them. How does that immutability touch us though? Those of us that were not on the earth with him? Through others? Well, what happens when others DO change? When they leave? Does that just add value to God not changing? I don't know. I just know that the disciples trusted Jesus, and so I want to also. However, wanting to trust God and trusting God are two very different things. VERY different.
Today a guy walked up to me in Paynes and said he was going to some poverty event in Chicago. He came up to me because I was reading 'Jesus for President' and he had read it. His name was John. I was stoked. I wish I could go to this event also. Anyway, he reminded me so much of my friend Brock, and reminded me how much I missed Brock that I called him. We talked for a while. I hate that I lived around Brock for so long, but we were not friends. However, we never could have been or should have been during that season of my life (just speaking on behalf of myself here). But when we hung up, I was thinking about the body of Christ, and about his Kingdom. I thanked God in my soul for giving me a friend like Brock, who I can trust. A guy that has proven himself genuine in this friendship. I told Brock that I loved him. He said that he loved me too. It was great. I think, God's kingdom came in a small way today.

...but perhaps God never wanted his kingdom to come in a big way. Maybe if he did, he would have turned the stone into bread, or been a king to Israel. Instead, he did it his way- by entrusting his son to begin bringing it. Begin you ask? Crap, that means we might be responsible to continue bringing it huh?

as Mr. Claiborne would say, "More on that later".

I miss my friends deeply. I'm working about 50 hours this week at the CB. I'm gonna slow it down next week, but know that I am aware that I have been a horrible friend to some of you, and I recognize that. This week should lighten up a bit. Please know, you are loved so deeeply, but Jesus... who would never be like this to you. Love him for that.

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